Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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