The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
