..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
