Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
