i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
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Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
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Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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