i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
