He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
