our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
