p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
