Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
