White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
