dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize