If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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