Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
