make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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