KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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