You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
