apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We need to get me chipped asap
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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