If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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