hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
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she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize