this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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