walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
