I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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