You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
