God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
