Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
