I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So vagazzling was a success
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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