we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
