Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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