I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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