Who wears a wallet chain?!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
