The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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