For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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