Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
