i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize