Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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