I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
