Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
