You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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