I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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