Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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