Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
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We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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