everyone is single if you try hard enough
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
