Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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