just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
