We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just invented taco cereal.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
