I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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