i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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