So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
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He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
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Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize