tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
