Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There's always time for handjobs
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have fence marks all over my body
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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