I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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