New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
