my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
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you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
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I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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