dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I forget how to act sober
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
