last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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