your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
