did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
