Are we in a gay sports bar?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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