rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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