It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
