Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
