every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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