Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
