you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
