True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
me + whiskey = a bad person
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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